The Cook Family Update

An old tradition gets a refresh as our kids move deeper into adulthood

In January 2002, soon after our family moved from small town North Carolina to the Washington, D.C., suburbs, I picked up my first digital camera, a tiny point-and-shoot that allowed me to capture images of the kids and send them via email to the grandparents and extended family members.

Kate, Emma, and Ben had just turned 5, 4, and 4 as we embarked on this new adventure, so interest — “Send us pictures!” — from family and folks we had moved away from was at an all-time high. (Nick, then 9, would come up for visits, which only upped the photo ante.)

Making the leap from trusty analog (film) to the then-fledgling field of digital was a game changer, with some caveats. In the film days, we’d take rolls of 24 and 36 exposures to a local grocery store that doubled as a one-hour photo lab. That was expensive and time-consuming because we had to go back and forth to the store, cull through prints, and decide which ones to duplicate before mailing them off.

Hard as it is to imagine now, in 2002 we were still five years from the first iPhone. While digital allowed you to share images, the technology for mass consumers was still in its relative infancy so the photos weren’t great. But they served a purpose, and Apple’s introduction of its “Mac” service later that year allowed me to put those images onto the Internet and share them via a link.

The Cook Family Update — a precursor to what became “Our Reality Show” — was born.

The Great Eight

Over the past few months, as Jill and I have become grandparents and the foursome fully have been immersed in life/work with spouses and significant others, I’ve thought a lot about those times and those updates.

As hectic as life was, in many respects it also was simpler. In the ensuing years, the FOMO Jill and I felt when we moved from North Carolina to the D.C. area — and still feel at times — resulted in us doing more things and having more adventures than we ever thought possible. I’m glad and grateful our entire family has embraced YOLO, even though that approach now requires more naps for some of us. (Skip this sentence if you know the acronyms: FOMO is “fear of missing out”; YOLO is “you only live once.”)

Our world changed when Marley, our first grandchild, was born at the end of February. But we’ve also seen some major life changes and activities among all four children over the past few months.

To sum up (in order by birth):

Nick and Conner

When the oldest hit 30, I told him to be prepared for the rollercoaster ride that a new decade brought. Nick will tell you I wasn’t exaggerating, because the ride has been one you get at a theme park on steroids.

The list is pretty remarkable: New house, working remotely in a challenging job, and several large, local freelance projects (including two murals for Durham businesses, one of which he hand painted on brick). Meanwhile, his wife Conner has gotten a promotion at Duke University and successfully completed the freaking Boston Marathon (!) in under 4 hours.

Kate and Matt

Since Marley’s birth, Kate also has changed jobs and now is working as a program director at a daycare center in Annandale, Va., continuing her remarkable journey as a spouse and a new mom with a lovely, positive attitude and approach. Her husband, Matt, unfortunately separated his shoulder as he tried to seal a win in his first pro MMA fight, but he is recovering well and the two have been steady rocks for each other.

Emma and Colby

Emma has continued her journey on the road with “Jesus Christ Superstar,” truly coming into her own as the touring production’s “Mob Leader,” and is a dancer on an episode of an upcoming Netflix sitcom that she filmed on a day off.

April’s tour schedule was grueling, with 10 states in 30 days, but the cast has this week off before ending this section of the tour on June 25 in Kansas City. Jill and I went to see the show in mid-April in York, Pa., and again a couple of weeks ago in Philadelphia. It’s amazing to see how much Emma has grown in the role since I saw her in January.

Meanwhile, Jill and I became the last members of our family to meet Emma’s lovely significant other, Colby, when we were in New Orleans last week (see below). Colby, an only child who also is a dancer in New York, fit in seamlessly to our large, extended crew.

Ben and Gaby

2023 has been equally busy for the youngest twin and his partner of almost four years. Ben is filming season 2 of “Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin” and has a small role three upcoming episodes of a new limited Max (formerly HBOMax) series scheduled to air in 2024. On July 27, Netflix will premiere the romantic comedy “Happiness for Beginners,” with Ben receiving fifth billing behind Elle Kemper, Luke Grimes, Nico Santos, and Blythe Danner.

On Monday, Gaby and dance partner Ryan Steele won a special Chita Rivera Award for their work in last fall’s Off-Broadway production of “Only Gold.” Ben and Gaby also will team up and dance together in “Illinois,” a new show choreographed and directed by Tony Award-winner Justin Peck, who also served in the former capacity on Steven Spielberg’s 2021 remake of “West Side Story.” The show will be performed over two weekends at the end of June at the Fisher Center at Bard College in upstate New York, with plans to take it to Chicago in January 2024.

I need a nap just writing all of that…

Walking through New Orleans

Speaking of writing, this essay is my first in almost a month, but I actually started it several weeks ago. At the time, I thought an update was timely, but found myself delaying it as more and more family news came to the fore.

For some reason, I’m still suffering from a form of writer’s block, or an inability to prioritize and execute projects in a timely “breaking news” manner. This is something previously mentioned in an essay that followed a recent month of limited writing on Substack:

“I produce a lot — not in a feed the beast, 24/7 social media kind of way — but I also go through periods where my brain gets so clogged that it’s almost impossible to get anything out, even as I continue to collect content that I would like to — some say need to — share.”

Every year around this time, life on the business front — writing and photography — gets busy enough for its own post. I also have several visual stories that I want to share, along with a longer culture war piece that I’ve noodled on longer than I would like. All of those are coming soon as I try to get back to a more regular publishing schedule.

From a writing standpoint, I justified delaying the family updates for a simple reason, knowing our entire crew would get together this past weekend for the marriage of our niece, Margaret McFarland, and her fiancée, Marc-Anthony Murray.

The wedding was held in New Orleans, where Margaret’s mom Jennifer (my sister-in-law) grew up and where our niece received her master’s degree. The relatively small ceremony, held in the beautiful Roots and Religious venue, was months in the making, and we all were excited to gather everyone in one place.

The last time the extended Cook-McFarland crew was together in this volume was in August 2021, when we celebrated my mom’s 80th birthday and the 60th of Jill’s brother Michael (dad of Margaret and our niece Elisabeth, who gets married this fall). But even then, it wasn’t everyone. Gaby had to work, Emma hadn’t met Colby, and Marley’s arrival was still 19 months away.

We all agreed this was something we couldn’t pass up, knowing how rare these chances are with everyone running in so many different directions. So, over four memorable days, my 81-year-old mother got to see and visit with her three-month-old great-granddaughter for the first time. Emma became the last of the siblings to meet Marley; Jill and I finally got to meet Colby.

Stories were told. Photos were taken. Laughs were shared. Humidity and the afternoon/early evening storms were navigated. Way too much food and beverages were consumed. Stress was kept, for the most part, to the barest minimum.

The morning after we arrived, I wandered out to take pictures to add to my photography website. Walking around early in the morning in a city that has just gone to bed is one of my favorite things to do; it helps me learn the area and never fails to provide a different perspective.

Sometimes, I enjoy listening to music — usually a random playlist — while on these walks. Often a theme song emerges that serves as background for what I’ve seen. On this trip, the earworm came courtesy of John Prine.

“When I Get to Heaven” is the final song on Prine’s last album, 2018’s “The Tree of Forgiveness.” It’s not a sad or morbid song; if anything, it’s a celebration of both life and the afterlife. Throughout the weekend, I found myself repeating the lyrics, realizing then that having this special time with everyone I love in the same place was as close to heaven as it gets for me.