The (Mostly) Solo Show
Getting the rare opportunity to see a concert with two of my adult children
When I go to concerts, I’m often solo.
My voracious love for live music developed in my late teens and early 20s, a time stamped period from the mid-1980s. College radio — the rise and challenges of which are written about far more eloquently by others — was at its apex, making me a charter member of the Dad Rock Club.
The music I heard on college radio stations quickly became my go-to for new and different discoveries from regions, all with something of an anything goes approach. I came to love X, Lone Justice, The Blasters, Los Lobos from the West Coast, R.E.M. and The dBs from the South, The Replacements and (early) Soul Asylum from Minnesota, and the CBGB scene from the late 1970s and early ‘80s era in New York.
While I’m still susceptible to earworms, much of commercial radio is pre-packaged homogeny for the masses, and that has limited appeal to me. Occasionally, as in R.E.M.’s case or with bands like the Talking Heads and Blondie, groups I liked have crossed over to the right side of the dial, but it’s rarer than today’s nostalgia would lead you to think.
Cost and timing also were factors in choosing live shows, especially in the late 80s and early 90s. I was a small town newspaper guy who worked nights, and those salad days continued after I left Texas for North Carolina and started getting into the burgeoning alt-country movement that mixed Southern accents with a harder rock/punk edge and attitude. As a result, my live music outings gravitated then — and still do — toward small bars and clubs, where acts were more affordable and not as likely to end their sets before 10 p.m.
I’ve always enjoyed the intimacy you get from artists and bands that mix stories and sounds in equal measure in these small venues. And given that I am often by myself, I appreciate the sense of community seeing a show with total strangers, even if, like me, many of my fellow audience members are wearing baseball hats, t-shirts, and (yes, cargo) shorts.
Family and Concerts
In our family, my role is well defined. The kids are the performers; I’m the writer and photographer who cheers them on.
My wife, Jill, is a trained vocalist who generally does not share my taste in music. She typically indulges me for one or two shows a year together, but midweek outings that end long past her bedtime usually are not her jam. Since my tastes tend to nip at the edges of the mainstream, my children didn’t jump for joy when I asked them to go to a show that didn’t involve jazz hands and a proper intermission.
In July 2008, I dragged Nicholas and Ben to a John Hiatt show at The Birchmere. Nick was 15 and Ben was 10, and the reason they went was because I needed a father/son moment as the first anniversary of my dad’s death approached. Ironically, it’s one of only two times I’ve spoken to Hiatt — an all-time favorite — in person, as I managed to convince them to stand (awkwardly, I may add) outside his bus in the parking lot post show.
A couple of years later, when Ben was in New York for “Ragtime,” I took him downtown to see Allison Moorer at Joe’s Pub. (Leaving 6th graders alone in a Midtown apartment was out of the question, despite his pleas.)
And for a long time, that was pretty much it on the family front.
Nick and Conner joined me on the Jason Isbell bandwagon early in their relationship and have seen him separate from us a couple of times in Durham. A 2016 show that we all attended made Jill a fan too, and she’s since seen a number of Isbell concerts. I even managed to convince Emma and Ben to join me, Nick, and extended family members Bernadette, Elie and Ginno when Isbell’s band played in New York in 2022.
Ben, especially in recent years, is carrying on the live show tradition. He’s seen a number of bands in the city and has come with me to several shows. And a couple of weeks ago, he arranged an outing for the two of us and Katharine, my oldest daughter.
Kate Nash in D.C.
In 2022, Ben’s partner Gaby was featured in “Only Gold,” an off-Broadway musical with a score and lyrics written by Kate Nash, a London-born singer songwriter whose 2007 debut single, “Foundations,” and album “Made of Bricks” were huge hits in Britain.
Nash, who also was in the Netflix wrestling series “GLOW,” spent more than a decade recording and touring, but hasn't been on the road here in years. On October 11, she appeared at the Howard Theatre in Washington, D.C. on the second stop of her first tour in the U.S. since 2018.
Ben and Gaby became friends with Kate and her fiancée during “Only Gold,” and the two went to London to film a music video last year to Nash’s “Wasteman.” That song is part of “9 Sad Symphonies,” Nash’s fifth album and first on the label Kill Rock Stars, whose alumni include Elliott Smith and Sleater-Kinney.
Nash’s music is poppier than my typical style, although I really like the new 10-song album, which she describes as “cinematic and dreamy.” I also admire her ability to shift from rage to beauty and appreciate the obvious joy, talent and charisma she displays while performing the songs live. All of those were in evidence during the show, which I photographed as Ben and Katharine stood in the audience.
The three of us had dinner before the concert at a nearby restaurant. (Jill was out of town and couldn’t make it, as was Gaby.) Collectively, we noted that it was the first time we had done something like this together. Then, as we got ready to leave for the show, Katharine noted that it was only the second live concert she has seen.
Inside, after Shamir opened with a solo set, Nash’s band came onto the stage. Everyone was in fine form and good spirits despite a harried journey from England to the U.S., which almost prevented the group from making it in time for the tour’s debut in Philadelphia the night before.
Ninety minutes after the show started, it concluded with Nash pulling a surprised Ben on stage during “Foundations.” Backstage afterward, we had a lovely visit with Kate before going our separate ways.
That night, Katharine and Ben stayed at our house. Down in the basement, they took advantage of the now rare chance for one-on-one time with each other. I don’t know when the three of us will see another show together, but for once, it was truly nice not to go solo.
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